I was on my way home from Target last week after one of my weekly outings and started thinking about the changing season and how much it mirrored my life right now.
Over the course of the fall my life changed in a major way. It happened slowly, then all at once... just like watching the leaves change. They gradually start to show signs of yellowing, then one morning you wake up and the world is alive in a smokeless fire of bright oranges and deep reds. And as soon as it ignited, it dies out. Typically this is timed perfectly with that first real chill of early winter.
With the loss of my job came the promise of one shortly after. I didn't think I'd be without a job for any time at all after having a strong interview for a job I was more than qualified for. I wasn't offered that job, but was contacted about being considered for a similar job at the same company. Everything seemed like it was going well...sticking with the chosen metaphor, my trees were full of bright oranges and deep reds.
That is, until two day before the scheduled interview I got an email stating that hiring for the position was being postponed until the first of the year. Just like that, it turned cold and my trees that were once vibrant and alive had been doused with water. Thus began my winter.
Even with advanced meteorological technology, almanacs, and old wives tales we never truly know how harsh the winter will be until it's over. After the leaves fall, the world lies in wait of what may or may not be on the horizon. Much the same, I have no idea of knowing how long it will be until I find a job. I could find one in the next few weeks and find myself experiencing a mild, comfortable winter. On the other hand, it could be months before I find anything which could make for a long, harsh winter draining and destroying any hope I might have left.
I don't know what's in store for me, but God has a purpose and a plan for my life that I don't know. That's the beauty and the terror of life. I'm not currently employed, but my job right now is to trust that the same God who watches over the birds and the fish will never leave me.
I know I talked about this in my last post, but this is what my life is right now. It's hard...really hard to not know the end of my story. My faith reassures me that with God we always know how the story will end. Being the human I am, all I can do is ask forgiveness for my unbelief while I wish I had a Cliff's Notes copy so I could skip ahead a chapter or two and see that everything does, in fact, turn out ok... That I will make it through this winter, regardless how long or severe, with minimal damage.
-b
